Hard

I have had three really yucky, difficult days at work in the past three weeks. Simply put, I had more to do than I had time to do it. I'm not alone. Probably every other coworker was in the same position. Trying to cover Christmas needs when understaffed will do that. It's just hard. Hard to do the job you want to do, hard to do the job that makes you and customers feel good when you have too many demands on your time. Yesterday, I was trying to do a really good job on something, taking a little extra time to make sure it turned out correctly, and then still blew it. Not feeling confident in correcting it, I accepted a coworker's offer to try and fix it. He did a great job with a very difficult task. I hope the customer is satisfied with it. But, in the end it was all just so hard because then I was late completing another customer's order and she finally got fed up and left without it finished because she couldn't wait any longer. She was probably as patient as she could be, but I took the brunt of the dissatisfaction when I was trying to fulfill my responsibilities as best as I could. It's just hard. A supervisor is required to take on more responsibility, but right now I feel like I am having to do so much explaining/training that I cannot possibly complete my own commitments. Just tough stuff. I find myself blowing off steam by venting (and yes, complaining) and getting upset at coworkers for not doing things in a manner that lessens my burdens. Ah...the joys and struggles of work.

I'm grateful to have a day off to think through things more calmly.

Faith on Friday (and Every Day)

Right now I need to call a company to clarify and request something and I'm not sure I can get myself to do it. Well, I'm pretty sure I'm just going to go ahead with it, but I have that bottomless pit kind of feeling about it because of previous experiences. It is so hard to close things out these days, to get through all the red tape. And it is especially hard to keep a good attitude through it all. I do not want to get mad or frustrated or start crying when it feels hopeless to get something done, but that's what has happened in the past and I have no desire to go there today. So, I'm trying to just have faith that I can do this task today and have good results, that I can have the patience, yet firmness I need to complete it. Here goes...

I'm grateful for...I'm still thinking...

I'm grateful that it's over with. But, I just don't get it. I do all this preparation and I still feel like I'm just being worked over by a well-trained customer service rep--short answers, no emotion, get them in, get them out. What I really needed was the customer complaint/suggestion rep, but I don't think one exists. Not very impressed with this company. Makes me more desirous (again) to be better at my own place of work, so I guess that's a plus.

ETA: Urgh! Well, I wasn't better at work. I struggled. Lack of sleep, frustration with a few different things outside of work, and the scheduling and situation at work all had something to do with it. I recognized it and I kept thinking to myself I can handle this better, but I didn't. So, maybe that was the best I could handle it given the circumstances. I can still learn from it. I can of course get the sleep I need better and I can walk myself through some things better at the beginning of my shift. It's so important to remember the little things when things aren't going right, to control what you can control, so you have all the help you need to control what you can't. Does that make sense?

I really am grateful that I was able to come home and go to sleep and wake up feeling better and knowing that I may have acted rottenly yesterday, but that I am better than that and I will be better today.

I Made It Up

So, this morning was one of those days when I really had to drag myself up (oh wait, so were the three previous days--hmmm...). But, you know, now that I am up, I feel reasonably good. Therefore, I am gonna get some stuff done today because it is my day off from work and I have lots of good things to do. (It's all in the perspective remember).

I spent last evening trying to find some round teflon spatulas to send to my parents in Armenia. I only visited three stores, but I really thought I would find them at one of these. I'm not sure where to look now and I don't want to buy some crappy spatulas--they already have those. Guess I'll just keep looking. It's so odd when I can't find what I'm looking for and it has nothing to do with scarcity of materials or the inability to make them, it has more to do with supply and demand (or current fads, if you will when it comes to clothing), and the demand right now is apparently cheaply constructed spatulas. Patience, Mary, patience!

Time for carols and crisp cleaning (ha :). Looking forward to the Mormon Tabernacle Choir Christmas Concert this evening with Natalie Cole and David McCullough. Should be great!

I'm grateful for a good morning even though it was hard to get up.

ETA: Hmmm...the concert experience...hmmm...not sure what to say...didn't actually get in...watched from the tabernacle...felt badly for the many with tickets who did not get in, especially the elderly couple that was right in front of me...actually enjoyed the concert in the tabernacle and it was quick getting out...wondering if Natalie Cole is still feeling effects from her kidney transplant because she seemed to struggle here and there, but I loved "Caroling, Caroling." I came away feeling okay about things, but still glum when I think of the disappointment of all the people that got into the Conference Center only to discover that there wasn't a seat for them, that it had been given to somebody in the standby line. I wondered how many of those people got stuck in traffic or left as early as they could and got there as soon as they could only to be let in and then have to leave. Not quite the spirit that you are hoping for. It is so hard to get tickets with the random drawing that they do and after tonight (and after being on both sides of it--tickets and standby), I wish that they would just do away with the standby line and give those who get tickets every chance to get there. Still, I know there's no perfect system. It was just a weird experience and I'm not sure what I am grateful for, maybe grateful that I didn't get in so that I could see it from the other side and be just fine not going in the future. The tabernacle is fine for me.

ETA: So I've learned that nobody in standby actually got in. The concert was overbooked and so people who were actually awarded tickets in the random drawing got turned away because of it. I was disappointed to learn that. I hope they decide not to do that again. I don't think the elderly couple in front of me could have made it to the Conference Center any faster and I hate to think that they had to beat other people there (including other elderly couples) just to get seats. Still, I did enjoy watching in the Tabernacle and I hope others who didn't get in did as well. It would have been nice to know we didn't have seats before they let us in to the Conference Center so we could have just gone to the Tabernacle in the first place and not missed the beginning number. But, maybe the organizers needed a tough night like this to help prepare better in the future. Hope it helps. 'Til then, life goes on...

Zonko

Well, it's my birthday. Woohoo! I had a good, long, productive day at work and got a few things done at home and then . . . I promptly crashed on the couch and lost all steam. Zonk! I'm tired. I feel like having a good night's sleep. And you know what? That's good because I've had a hard time going to sleep at a decent hour for the last little while. So, . . .

I'm grateful for being tired enough to go to sleep early :) Zzzzzzz . . .

ETA: So much for making it to bed early. Well, I guess 12:00 is early for some people. But, hey, I fell asleep really quickly and slept very deeply. So, I'll take that!

Primary Giggles

I teach the CTR 7 class in primary each Sunday. Unfortunately, this week I didn't prepare well. Not a good thing, especially since I was also combining three lessons. So, I decided that I would give the opening prayer and ask Heavenly Father to bless us as a class that we could learn the simple truths of the lesson despite my lack of preparation (and a little help in the teaching was also certainly on my mind). As I do before each prayer, I asked the children if there was anybody or anything they felt we wanted to thank Heavenly Father for or pray for. Bronwyn pipes up and says, "Did you get hurt this week, Devin?" I busted up laughing. You see, Devin is a classmate who has become famous for his accidents and injuries and tells us about it every week, but this week he told us about being cold instead. I guess we just couldn't go a week without an accident report.

Interestingly, I noticed that one of the boys who has been especially chatty recently seemed to grasp the simplicity and importance of the lesson (worshipping in church) and was especially quiet and attentive. The reason I was so surprised by it is because he was sitting by his best friend whom he loves to talk to. I usually have to separate them. Anyway, it was so neat to see the gospel in action. He was also very reverent when we walked back to the primary room for sharing time. It didn't last through sharing and singing time, but it was still cool to see for that time period.

I'm grateful for the influence of children in my life, for their goodness and humor.

Tired, But a Good Tired

So it's Christmas time. And Christmas time at Deseret Book (where I work) means crazy days and the inability to accomodate the needs of all the customers no matter how hard you try. It can be disheartening to see upset customers, to feel the wrath of upset customers, and to ultimately watch some simply walk out of the store. I appreciate that I felt calm enough today to work within myself (mostly) and help as many people as I could. It's always nice when customers recognize that you are doing all you can and therefore they choose patience over anger. The economy affects everybody and we have had to scale back hours on a daily basis which means that we are not staffed as well as we would like. But, hey, what can you do but simply push through it. Holiday shopping is always chaotic mania (does that make sense?).

So, back to the title. Though I am tired, it definitely is the good kind of tired. You know, the kind where you really are exhausted (physically and mentally) but you feel so good about what you put into the day and how much you accomplished that those feelings seem to override the fatigue. I'll take good tired any day.

I am grateful for having the energy and desire to do my job well today.

ETA: I had the chance to attend a David Lanz concert this evening. I have loved his music and arrangements since I was a teenager. Though I have lost touch a bit with his most recent recordings, I jumped at the chance to attend this concert when I found out about it (lucky I found out about it when I did as there were only a few seats left). What a great time I had with my sister, friend, roommate, and roommate's mom (also a friend--I'm definitely multigenerational when it comes to friendship). What a wonderful thing David Lanz has done in developing his talent and sharing it. And he has a great sense of humor about himself and life. It was a real treat to attend!

I am grateful for the talents of others which, when shared, help me feel happy and peaceful.

Covert Operation Complete

So, on Wednesday of this week I had to take my parents' Ford Windstar to the dealer in AF to fix a default with the speed control deactivation switch. A very noble reason for going, to be sure, since I don't want to be driving a fireball any time in the future (not that I will be driving the van), but I really had to get my nerve up to go because the car is not registered. The registration expired the last day of September and my parents don't want to get it renewed until they return from serving an LDS mission in Armenia in April 2011. I would have preferred to have just gotten the car registered, but it would have been a waste and I don't have the necessary paperwork to do it either. So, there I was driving cautiously and nervously on the back roads to the dealership only to discover that the whole process took a whopping ten minutes and was not worth the worry it had caused me since I received the recall notice in the mail a week before. Ugh! Still, I was glad to have it taken care of and particularly glad that I didn't lose my keys :). I felt a BIG sigh of relief about the whole affair. And while I am thinking about lost keys, I am still so so thankful to the person who did an ordinary (but, wonderfully ordinary to me) thing of turning my keys in after they fell out of my pocket while riding TRAX last week. No more stuffing my pockets full of game cards!

I am grateful for having enough motivation to complete a yucky task.

Tender Mercies Lyrics

I love the lyrics and the simplicity of this tune. Just beautiful. So I have included the mp3 on the sidebar as a sort of theme song for the site. It has been a favorite of mine since I happened upon it earlier this year. (I've happened upon a lot of wonderful music since I started working at Deseret Book a year ago and have also become reacquainted with several artists that I had lost touch with). Definitely a tender mercy.

I especially love listening to this song on the Sabbath.

I am amazed when sunlight streams so fine
I am amazed how low His light can shine
The angels fall around me to the very depth of my need
I am amazed at His tender mercies over me

I am alive, soul rise like the moon
I am alive, perspective turning soon
I praise each breath He lends me, day by day by day
I am alive by the grace He offers me today

I am amazed that He's aware of me
I am amazed to approach Him prayerfully
How painfully He loved me, oh how painfully
I am amazed at His tender mercies over me

--Shane Jackman, from the album Sanctuary

I am grateful for the joy that beautiful music brings.