So Tired I Don't Even Know How Tired

One day this week I woke up and I felt so good mentally. I couldn't believe how good it felt. At the same time I was physically exhausted. I decided that if I could just feel good mentally, I would be okay even if I am physically exhausted. I can make it through a lot of physical exhaustion if I feel mentally with it, but if I struggle mentally, it's all hard.

Today it's hard. I've felt okay mentally, but I am really struggling emotionally. I have gone through an experience at work that was very similar to one I had at my last job and right now I am once again doing what I did badly back then. I am not talking. Well, I've been opening up a bit these past few days. Feeling some constant insanity and recklessness and out of controlness helped coax me along. I finally made a decision. I did do something. Now I need to keep doing something. How do you get out of something that is so bad, but yet is the habit that your body is so used to that it seems like more work to even want to do something different. I'm so tired right now, but I just have hardly any desire to go to sleep. I'm listless. It feels horrible, but I keep at it. This has just got to crack.