Worth

What a privilege it was to teach my primary class this past Sunday. It's so funny that on the day our bishop (ward/congregation leader) comments that the summer vacations must be in full swing (meaning a lot of people were out of town), I end up with the largest class in several weeks--9, and one came for the very first time this year. I'm not sure how I will fit 11 chairs in our classroom comfortably, but I look forward to the day when all my class members are there. Anyway, I was just so touched and impressed by each class member, from our "newbie" who, though he struggled with the structure, was so enthusiastic about saying prayers, to the two boys who have learned enough discipline that they can now sit together, to the girl who comes so few times (and far between) that she thought we had changed classes for a time, to another member who asked that we pray for this girl's mom who is healing from a leg injury and who also thanked Heavenly Father for me being their teacher and how I teach them. I could go on and on. I just love this class! They have blessed me to remember the worth of each soul and to remember my worth as well.

I am grateful to be taught by children, those who seem to be "old" souls when it comes to undertstanding the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

Awkward

You know that awkward feeling you get when there's tension, either between you and someone else or others around you. Ever feel odd because you've had conversations with coworkers about frustrations or nags with other coworkers and yet you see everybody get along regardless, but you are left wondering how you can feel frustrated and upset with a coworker (and vent about it) and still feel good about working well and treating them well the next minute. Am I making sense? I know we get frustrated with each other and I know we talk about things to help work through them, but I still haven't figured out how those feelings work together with the good feelings--or at least not all the time. It's like I need to talk about it, to get it out, but I still need to feel right/good about working with my coworkers and oftentimes I feel guilty after being frustrated when I work with them again. You would think that it's an indication that either I didn't act well in the first place or that my reaction was not good, but I still cannot figure it out for sure. I think some of it is reflected in that desire for perfection, not wanting to look bad in somebody's eyes, always wanting to do the right thing. And when I don't succeed, here comes Satan quickly reminding me of that and creating plenty of confusion and dissatisfaction. I find it very difficult to listen to the right source in these moments. Something to work on.

I am trying to be grateful for these moments that test me, try me, and hopefully help me grow and be better. They are also humbling situations because they remind me that I am not relying on my Savior.