Awkward

You know that awkward feeling you get when there's tension, either between you and someone else or others around you. Ever feel odd because you've had conversations with coworkers about frustrations or nags with other coworkers and yet you see everybody get along regardless, but you are left wondering how you can feel frustrated and upset with a coworker (and vent about it) and still feel good about working well and treating them well the next minute. Am I making sense? I know we get frustrated with each other and I know we talk about things to help work through them, but I still haven't figured out how those feelings work together with the good feelings--or at least not all the time. It's like I need to talk about it, to get it out, but I still need to feel right/good about working with my coworkers and oftentimes I feel guilty after being frustrated when I work with them again. You would think that it's an indication that either I didn't act well in the first place or that my reaction was not good, but I still cannot figure it out for sure. I think some of it is reflected in that desire for perfection, not wanting to look bad in somebody's eyes, always wanting to do the right thing. And when I don't succeed, here comes Satan quickly reminding me of that and creating plenty of confusion and dissatisfaction. I find it very difficult to listen to the right source in these moments. Something to work on.

I am trying to be grateful for these moments that test me, try me, and hopefully help me grow and be better. They are also humbling situations because they remind me that I am not relying on my Savior.